Why Saying “LMK If You Need Anything” Is Meaningless (and What to Do Instead!)

So there I was—sitting in my shoebox East Village apartment, doubled over with what was either food poisoning or the flu. I’ll spare you the gore but let’s just say: my place is the size of a shoebox, and ¾ of the floor was covered in vomit. It was like I had installed a brand-new “barf rug.”

My golden doodle stood there panting, giving me the classic “when are we going outside?” look. Meanwhile, I was hyperventilating, sock-soaked in throw-up, realizing how alone I really was. If this had been a real emergency, I had no one on-call.

I texted a friend and he said, “Go to urgent care.”
Thanks, pal. Super helpful. Never mind the fact that I could barely stand up, let alone walk my dog.

My good friend did call three times to check if I was alive (credit where it’s due). But here’s what I noticed: every single person who reached out said the same thing—

“LMK if you need anything.”

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Why “LMK if you need anything” sucks

Here’s the problem: nobody in their right mind is going to reply, “Actually, yes. Please bring me soup, scrub my floors, and hold my hair back while I puke.”

We don’t want to sound needy. We don’t want to be a burden. We know people have jobs, families, partners, lives—and helping clean up bodily fluids is not exactly an appealing evening activity.

And honestly? I get it. Who does want to do that? I wouldn’t.

But here’s the kicker: I realized I do the same thing. When friends are going through a rough time, I default to “LMK if you need anything.” And let’s be real… I usually don’t follow through. Because:

• I have my own life, too. Even if that life is just watching YouTube videos in bed. It's a my selfish yet sacred escape.

• It’s inconvenient.

• It’s 3 a.m. and you live far away

So “LMK if you need anything” ends up being the cheapest, weakest form of “support.” It’s well-intentioned, but it’s hollow.

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What to say instead (that actually helps)

If you really want to be there for someone, specificity is everything.

Instead of “LMK if you need anything,” try:

• “I can bring you tea—want me to drop some off?”

• “I can send you soup from your favorite deli.”

• “I can grab you cramp medicine if you’re stuck at home.”

See the difference? It’s not just offering—it’s offering with an easy “yes/no” built in.

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Why I built Actually Something™

This whole experience made me want to create an in-between option: more than a text, less than a giant, overpriced care package with $100 fuzzy socks and hot cocoa.

That’s why I started Actually Something™.
It’s for when you want to show you care without blowing your rent money or buying a bouquet that dies in three days.

Let’s say your friend is on their period. Instead of “LMK if you need anything,” you can just send them the Period Survival box, a curated kit stocked with the stuff they’ll actually use.

Or maybe you just want your unemployed friend who has been applying for jobs for a year to feel like their efforts are not going unnoticed...send them the "Seen and Supported" box.

So as the giver, you don’t have to think too hard. And as the receiver, all you have to do is send a link. No guilt, no awkward ask, no barf rugs.

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The bottom line

“LMK if you need anything” sounds nice, but it leaves the vulnerable person doing all the heavy lifting: figuring out what they need, working up the courage to ask, and risking feeling like a burden.

If you really want to help, offer something specific.
And if you really, really want to help? Send them Actually Something™.

Because caring shouldn’t be complicated, expensive, or meaningless.

PS of course I think it's best if you can put your big boy, big girl pants on and directly ask for what you need. However, most people don't and won't. So we are working with  the truth of what is common, rather than fight the reality.